CRAIG SAKAREN

At approximately 6:42 AM, Craig was observed measuring the Hendersons' mailbox post with a tape measure he keeps in his golf cart for exactly this purpose. Per his own interpretation of a bylaw that does not exist, all mailbox posts must stand "no more than 41 inches, not 42, forty-one."

The Hendersons' post measured 41.75 inches. Craig has since laminated a citation and zip-tied it to the mailbox flag, where it will remain "until the board convenes," a board that, sources confirm, has not met since 2023 and currently consists of Craig.

Craig has posted to the Lakesail Community Facebook group for the third time this week, this time regarding "a concerning cluster of unapproved decorative gnomes" on Linden Court. He included four blurry photos taken from what appears to be a moving golf cart.

"I'm not saying gnomes are against the rules," Craig wrote, "I'm saying nothing says they're allowed, and in the absence of clarity, I default to no." The post received eleven angry reacts and one reply from his wife asking him to come inside for dinner.

Craig was spotted at 7:58 PM standing at the end of his driveway with a clipboard, timing how long the Patels' trash cans remained at the curb after pickup. Lakesail covenant guidance suggests bins be removed "within a reasonable timeframe." Craig maintains a personal spreadsheet defining "reasonable" as 47 minutes.

The Patels' bins were retrieved in 52 minutes. A citation is pending, contingent on Craig finding a working printer.

In a since-deleted Facebook post, Craig issued what he called a "courtesy pre-citation" reminding residents that exterior holiday lighting must be removed by January 15th, a deadline that is, as of this writing, seven months away.

"I like to be ahead of the curve," Craig commented under his own post. He was the only one who commented under his own post.

Armed with a decibel meter app he does not fully understand, Craig confronted the Ortiz family's fourteen-year-old son for "excessive bouncing" during what witnesses describe as a normal Tuesday afternoon. The app reportedly read 61 decibels. Craig insists the HOA threshold is 55, a number he has never been able to produce documentation for.

The teenager, unbothered, kept shooting free throws. Craig logged the incident anyway, "for the file."

Craig posted a side-by-side comparison photo to Facebook showing his own diagonally-mowed lawn next to a neighbor's horizontally-mowed lawn, captioned: "Some of us take pride in our community. Others mow like they don't care who's watching. (I'm watching.)"

No bylaw governs mowing direction. Craig has stated he "shouldn't have to write everything down for people to do the right thing."

"Good evening Lakesail. I see the riding mower has relocated itself from one end of Pondview Loop to the other, again, with no human assistance that I'm aware of. If this is your mower, there are other ways to retire it besides letting it migrate across the neighborhood like a slow, rusty goose."

Craig offered to dispose of it himself, "with no charge to you, and frankly, no further discussion necessary." The mower has not been seen since, though Craig insists this is unrelated.

"Good evening, just an FYI. The tree line running between the homes on Wexford Bend and Cattail Run is technically part of your property, but falls under the designated tree-save buffer, not common area, and not HOA jurisdiction. Several of you have asked. The answer remains no."

Craig clarified that being part of the tree-save buffer means the trees may not be removed "unless they are sick, damaged, dead, or personally inconveniencing a board member." He did not elaborate on the fourth category.

"Good day Lakesail. I have started to notice an increasing amount of pet waste in the common areas. This is a violation of state law, fines up to $500 per violation, and also a violation of our own CC&Rs, fines levied separately by the board. If anyone has information on the responsible party, please come to me directly rather than the group chat."

Craig later clarified that "the board" levying these fines is, once again, just him, operating from a laminated fee schedule he updates quarterly.

"Good day Lakesail, here's a prime example of why we trim trees to the 12-foot minimum so passing vehicles don't catch branches and rip them clean off. Please inspect your trees and act accordingly before I have to inspect them for you."

Craig attached a photo of a single broken twig on the pavement, angled for maximum visual drama. No vehicles were reported damaged. Craig was reportedly disappointed by this.

"Good day Lakesail. Hey, did you know it's against the law to park across the sidewalk, blocking the public right-of-way? Yep. Look it up. Hope you find this bit of information useful, the way I hope you'll find a parking spot that isn't a sidewalk."

Craig followed up forty minutes later with a second post citing the same statute a second time, "in case anyone missed it the first time, which apparently several of you did."

"Good day Lakesail. Hey, did you know having a large volume of weeds in your yard is a violation of our covenant and our rules and regulations? Yep, it's all written down, in writing, by the board, which you can request to see at any time from me."

Craig closed with an unsolicited mowing tip: "FYI, mowing your grass too short can kill it and promote weed growth, so really, this is all connected, if you think about it long enough, which I have."

"Good day Lakesail. I've noticed two houses on Porrence Trace with glass in the road in front of their homes — obviously from trash pickup yesterday. It would be nice if they cleaned that up so nobody cuts a tire, or worse, a child gets injured, at which point they may find themselves facing a lawsuit for negligence."

Craig signed off with "have a great day Lakesail," a sentiment he appeared to mean sincerely despite having just introduced the possibility of personal injury litigation into a Tuesday morning Facebook post. Neighbors report the glass was cleared within forty minutes. Craig did not acknowledge this. He is, however, watching.

Craig reissued his weed notice — CC&R Article VI, Section 6.2, Line F; Rules and Regulations Section II, Line 2C — verbatim, including the same mowing advisory about blade height, and the same closing line: "I hope you have found this bit of information useful." He did not note that this was the second posting. No one pointed this out, presumably because they knew what would happen if they did.

Whether Craig believes the first posting failed to penetrate the neighborhood consciousness, or simply felt the content deserved a second run, the record does not say. Both possibilities are consistent with what the record shows.

"I have started to notice an increasing amount of pet waste showing up in the community's common areas," Craig announced, before helpfully clarifying that this behavior violates state law (up to $500 per incident) and the neighborhood CC&Rs (fines levied separately by the board). The board, for reference, is Craig. The state fine and the Craig-levied HOA fine are, in Craig's view, additive and non-exclusive.

"If anyone has information on who this may be, please inform a board member so we may address it with them." Craig is the board member. He is ready. "It takes all of us," he concluded, "to keep our neighborhood looking clean and beautiful." Craig is, by any reasonable measure, doing more than his share.

"Good evening, just an FYI. The line of trees running between the homes on Dowell Run and Porrence Trace are part of your property but are considered part of the tree save area — not common area, not HOA responsibility." Craig clarified that trees in the save area may not be removed unless they are "sick, damaged, or dead."

He closed with "again, just an FYI" — the word "again" doing considerable work, as this is not the first set of streets Craig has briefed on this topic. He has now issued tree-save guidance for at least two street combinations. He does not consider his work finished. He is correct.

"Good day Lakesail. Hey, did you know it's against the law to park across the sidewalk, blocking the public right-of-way? Yep. NC General Statutes Chapter 160A, Article 15." Craig has located, printed, and laminated this statute. It is in the golf cart. He will show it to anyone who makes eye contact near a driveway.

"Hope you find this bit of information useful," Craig closed — the word "useful" carrying the implicit weight of "and if you don't, I will post it again." At last count, this statute has been referenced in multiple posts, two direct confrontations, and at least one comment thread about something entirely unrelated. Craig considers this appropriate coverage for a Tuesday.

"Good day Lakesail. Hey, did you know having a large volume of weeds in your yard is a violation of the Riverdale CC&R and the Riverdale rules and regulations?" Craig proceeded to cite CC&R Article VI, Section 6.2, Line F — requiring each lot be maintained "in a neat and clean condition, free of all trash, debris, weeds, and vines" — and Rules and Regulations Section II, Line 2C, which Craig described as "reinforcing the above," a phrase he uses when he wants the record to show he has read the whole document.

He closed with an unsolicited horticultural observation: mowing too short kills grass, dead grass invites weeds, and weeds invite another post from Craig. "I hope you have found this bit of information useful." He subsequently posted it again. And then again after that.